just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
