i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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