I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
