My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
