i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
