hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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