You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
