He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
