I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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