Umm I'm too high to move.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
