Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
