She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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