Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if only i could text you this smell
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
