what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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