Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
