I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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