Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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