ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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