Well apparently he's into motor boating.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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