all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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