I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
