I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
