Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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