my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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