I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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