would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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