We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
