Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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