The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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