I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
