It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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