When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
