I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry about my life...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
