It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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