capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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