I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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