Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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