so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
These tits shall not be calmed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
