I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
