i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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