Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this just has baby written all over it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
