I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
