I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
