lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize