I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
