so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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