Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize