If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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