it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
