nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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