You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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