So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My vagina just clenched in fear
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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