I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
