My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
