Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
