after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
