we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Swine flu is the new snow day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
