so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
