My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
