she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
