Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
