You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize