My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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