So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
