I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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