East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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