I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
