Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
