How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
