You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
