Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
