one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
