So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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