i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
