ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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