i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
