I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
