You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize