I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
