were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
