so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
