i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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