Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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