Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
