I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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