just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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