im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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