garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
