it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
