AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
