Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
