Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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