life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
