dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize