he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
