Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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