I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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