Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
