I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
