my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
