My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
