New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
