I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
