I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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