When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We got so high we made milksteak
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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