i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I didn't notice because vodka
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
