I wish they made helmets for livers.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize