You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
