So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
