On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
ttyl tear gas
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
