we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
