You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
