Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish you could order shots online.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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