he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
