Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
