Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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