I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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