you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
