My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
