Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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