Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
