He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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