Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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