Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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